Wishful Thinking
by AlwaysBlunt
Summary: When she first joined the Behavioural Analysis Unit, Emily Prentiss never thought that she would fall in love with her boss. She loved everything about him - his charisma, his perseverance, even the dimples that graced his cheeks every time he smiled. But, what caused her heart to shatter into a million pieces was the brutal fact that Aaron Hotchner didn't love her back. One-shot.


**Author's Note – Here is a one-shot that I've wanted to write for a few days now. I finally got around to it and I'm so happy with how it turned out, considering I don't really write from Emily's perspective often. I hope you enjoy! Please favourite and review, I really appreciate it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, any of its characters, or the Adele song, "Cold Shoulder", that is briefly featured about half-way through this story.**

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She wanted him. She wanted him so badly that she could scream and scream, until she lost her voice. She longed to be in his presence – for him to feel the same way. She desired his voice, his touch, even his scent.

Her eyes peered through the gap in the blinds of his office window. She squinted, begging her brown eyes to focus on his face. She watched as his right hand moved at speed from left to right, the pen he was holding gliding across the page with ease. He was clearly rushing his last few write-ups in order to get home to tuck his young son into bed. She couldn't blame him.

His face was illuminated by his desk lamp, which he turned on because his office had become a lot darker as the night drew in. She could now clearly see all of his features. If she didn't know him any better, she would swear he was showing no emotion at all. His face remained stoic – as tough as nails. His brow furrowed in concentration as he willed his mind to focus on the last pages of the report he was writing.

Suddenly, a message on his phone distracted him and his dark eyes flickered to glance at his personal phone. His gaze softened and the dimples that she loved so much graced his cheeks as he typed an "I love you too" text to his wife. He ran a hand through his short, dark hair and wiped his tired eyes. He chose to call it a night, telling himself that the reports could wait until the morning. She watched as he began to tidy his desk. That man would be the death of her.

Since joining the Behavioural Analysis Unit a few months ago, Prentiss never thought she'd develop a crush on her Unit Chief. Hell, she never thought she'd have feelings for anyone ever again. She'd had her fair share of bad relationships and terrible break-ups with men – and women. This had caused her to lose hope in finding "her person", to quote her favourite television series. But, something about Aaron Hotchner made the butterflies that high school sweethearts speak of dance around in her stomach. She could feel goosebumps appear on her all over her body, and her mind just wouldn't think straight.

Emily Prentiss was in love.

Initially, she had innocently thought she had a chance. If the famous Agent Rossi could break the anti-fraternization rule, then why couldn't she? She knew he was the reason that the rule existed, but as long as Erin Strauss never found out, then what was the problem?

But then she saw his ring.

The simple silver band that he wore on his left hand caught her eye one day. Her heart sank in her chest and she was overcome with a feeling of utter heartbreak defeat. Her face never faltered, but her mind became hysterical.

"_Of course he's married, you idiot! What woman wouldn't want him!"_

Emily criticised herself for the first few weeks as the feelings grew; _"He's off limits, Prentiss!" _the voice of reason inside her head would scream at her, day-in, day-out. However, eventually she had succumb to the fact that she couldn't control her feelings and growing desire. Slowly, she had let them take over her daily life.

Unexpectedly, a soft hand appeared over Emily's, in order to stop the brunette from destroying her nails any further with her constant biting and picking. Emily jumped. She became aware that she was still in the Bullpen, where she was supposed to be working. Her normally pale cheeks flushed bright pink from embarrassment.

Prentiss glanced upwards from where she sat at her desk. However, she couldn't help but be slightly disappointed when the concerned, bright blue eyes of her best friend stared back at her.

Jennifer tucked her long, blonde hair behind her ear, before pulling up Derek's empty chair beside Emily. She sat down and fixed her black pencil skirt beneath her. JJ was worried about the brunette agent. Prentiss had avoided speaking to anyone for most of the day and seemed distant. She had even avoided joining in on Morgan's playful teasing of Reid – something which was completely out-of-character for Emily.

The blonde sighed and squeezed her friend's hand.

"Are you okay?" she asked in a low voice. She didn't want any of the remaining agents in the office to hear their conversation.

Emily's hazel eyes quickly darted away and she ran one hand through her shoulder-length hair.

"Y-yeah, I'm Fi-"

"Quit it, Prentiss. You and I both know that you're not 'fine'," the blonde lifted both of her hands to form quotation marks with her fingers.

Emily smiled sadly and glanced upwards once more towards her boss' office. Hotch was still gathering the last of his things into his brief case. Once he was finished, he started to put on his black suit jacket, which had been draped over the back of his brown leather chair.

JJ watched Emily's actions. A look of realisation dawned across her features. She may not be a qualified profiler, but she was very skilled at reading her friends like they were an open book. She knew there was an unspoken rule that profiling each other was off-limits. But surely that didn't apply to the communications liaison officer, right?

Having experienced love a handful of times in her lifetime, JJ knew that her friend had all of the signs – distracted, tired, loss of appetite. Any other person would probably laugh at the idea. Not knowing any better, they would probably write off Emily's 'symptoms' as being the common cold, or a stomach flu – but Jennifer knew better than that.

The blonde's eyes softened, and she turned her gaze from her Unit Chief's office window to look at her best friend again. Though she had only known the woman in front of her for just over a year, it had felt like a lifetime. The two women understood each other and had gotten on 'like a house on fire' immediately. Jennifer took Emily's hand in hers once more, just like Emily had done for her at the hospital when Penelope had been shot. The two sat in complete silence.

JJ didn't think it would help to ask Emily about Aaron. She instead decided to try and take the brunette's mind off of him altogether. She cleared her throat.

"Hey, so, do you want to have a girl's night in with Pen and I tonight? We can order pizza and drown our sorrows in God-awful homemade cocktails?" the blonde proposed. She smiled sadly at her friend, who looked nothing but dismayed.

"I think I'm going to take a rain check on this one Jayje. I have a _Grey's Anatomy_ date with Sergio in front of the television," Emily responded, her voice laced with sarcasm. She shook her head and bit her lip. Tears threatened to fall and the brunette let out a forced, almost cruel laugh. _Are you really going to cry over a man who obviously doesn't love you back?_

Prentiss blinked away her tears and stood up from her desk, removing her hand from JJ's.

"I-I better just go," she stumbled over her words. Hastily, she snagged her jacket from the communal coat rack, which was a few feet behind her desk. She fumbled, trying to get her arms into the sleeves. She nodded at her friend, before turning to leave.

"Emily?"

Emily turned around at JJ's soft voice. She felt bad for being rude to her, but she had a lot on her mind right now. What the brunette saw made her smile, even though she was feeling 'like shit', as she had said earlier that day.

JJ stood leaning on Emily's desk. One had rested beside the stack of files that Emily hadn't managed to bring herself to complete. However, dangling from the other hand was the strap of Emily's brown leather handbag. The shade and material matched Hotch's office chair almost exactly. The blonde had a cheeky smile on her face and one of her eyebrows was raised.

"Forgetting something, Agent Prentiss?" the blonde asked in a joking tone.

Emily walked the few feet and grabbed her bag from JJ's hold.

"Bye, Jareau!" Emily said with a smile on her face, her voice was once again riddled with sarcasm.

JJ returned her friend's exaggerated wave, before walking up the steps towards her office. On her way, Hotch passed her. The pair shared their goodbyes, parting the usual, "see you tomorrow morning," or "say hi to Jack for me!". JJ then returned into the confines of her office and closed the door behind her with a 'thud'.

Emily walked briskly to the elevator and angrily smashed the button. She impatiently tapped her foot and a sigh of annoyance escaped her lips when the doors didn't immediately open. Finally, the elevator dinged loudly and the doors slowly opened. _Phew, _nobody was inside. Emily was grateful that she didn't have to make needless small-talk to whoever was on the other side. She wasn't in the mood to talk about the horrendous weather – or anything really, for that matter.

Emily pushed the 'down' button inside and slumped against one of the side walls. She was never one to feel sorry for herself, but right now, all she wanted to do was throw a pity party for herself – order shitty Chinese food, break open a bottle of wine, sit on her comfortable sofa with Sergio, and sob mercilessly while watching her favourite medical drama.

Suddenly, the elevator doors were stopped by a large hand. The metal doors paused and re-opened, allowing the person to enter. They also pressed the 'down' button and leaned against the side wall, opposite the brunette agent.

The man made eye contact with her and smiled weakly. He could tell that the other woman was clearly tired. He assumed that it was probably because of the increased workload that the unit had been experiencing recently. The elevator began to move downwards. An awkward silence filled the enclosed space, making it almost hard to breathe. Neither agent tried to speak to the other. The dark-haired man's phone 'dinged' once more, just like it had done in his office. He smiled and the dimples once more graced his cheeks.

"Be home in 15," he typed to the person on the other end. He then tucked his phone away in one of the pockets of his work trousers.

Emily groaned internally and glanced up at the grey ceiling above her. _Why was this elevator taking so long? _She watched the flashing red numbers on the panel to the right of her; _"4...3...2...1...G"_, it read.

At last, the doors re-opened again and the two agents walked out and towards the revolving doors that led to the staff car park. Emily felt like she was in a trance as she exited the building and walked towards her vehicle.

"Goodnight Prentiss," an all-to-familiar voice said. Emily swore that there would never be a day where it wouldn't cause the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up straight.

The brunette turned around and made a poor attempt to smile at the man behind her, who had just opened the door of his black car. She nodded at him, a piece of hair that had been tucked behind her ear falling in front of her face.

"Goodnight Hotch," she replied in a weak voice. She cursed internally at how child-like she sounded.

Emily's gaze drifted downwards from her boss' eyes and lingered on his suit. She realised that she had zoned out and forced herself to get into her vehicle and drive out of the car park without saying another word. The Unit Chief stood there for a few moments, watching as the small, silver car turned right out of the car park, and accelerated down the road, away from the workplace.

Inside the car, Emily pressed her foot down on the accelerator and turned up the volume on her radio. She rolled her eyes when she heard _Adele_'s new song was playing on the radio;

"_These days when I see you_

_You make it look like I'm see-through_

_Do tell me why you waste our time_

_When your heart ain't in it, and you're not satisfied_

_You know I know just how you feel_

_I'm starting to find myself feeling that way too_

_You grace me with your cold shoulder_

_Whenever you look at me, I wish I was her_

_You shower me with words made of knives_

_Whenever you look at me, I wish I was her."_

Emily changed the radio station a couple of times. She hopes to find a more up-beat song to cheer her up. However, to add to her poor luck, all that was being played on this rainy Thursday evening was love songs, break-up songs, and yet again, more love songs. A feeling of anger pulsated through her core and before she could think, her hand formed a fist and hit the wheel with such force that her car horn sounded. She was startled by the loud noise and quickly regained her composure. _Focus Prentiss!_ She was grateful that here were no other cars out on the road at this time due to the never-ending pour of rain.

Before Prentiss knew it, she was pulling up outside her apartment block. She parked her car in her reserved spot and hurriedly grabbed her keys and her bag, before exiting her car. She ran as fast as she could towards the building in a bid to not get soaked.

Her efforts failed, and by the time she had entered the tall, glass building her hair was plastered to her face, and her previously grey pantsuit looked black from all of the moisture it had absorbed. Emily was grateful that she had put on her tailored suit jacket, as she was positive that her black, lace decorated bra was visible from underneath her shirt by now.

With a sigh, the brunette chose to climb the ten flights of stairs up to her home. She didn't feel like stepping into any more elevators at this hour of the evening. Her legs felt heavy as she dragged herself up each and every step. It was almost as if somebody had tied weights to her shoes in an effort to prevent her from reaching the comfort of her apartment.

Emily groaned in relief as she climbed the last five steps to the floor that her apartment was on. She rooted through her handbag that was slung over her shoulder. _"__Ta-da!"_ she jokingly whispered to herself as she pulled out the set of keys from her bag. They had somehow become buried down the bottom underneath a book, crumpled bits of papers and wrappers, her car keys, an uneaten sandwich that she packed this morning for her lunch, as well as some stray tampons.

Prentiss smiled at the fluffy pink keychain that Garcia had bought her for her birthday, despite Emily pleading with her not to get her anything. She had never celebrated birthdays when she was younger, but Garcia had refused. The eccentric blonde had insisted that Emily was now part of the family, and would continue to receive gifts from her team members for the rest of her life. Emily had whined at the technical analyst at the time, but now all she felt was grateful that the team had welcomed her with open arms. They were the first group of people that she actually considered family.

But for a certain someone, Emily wished she could be more than just 'family'.

Emily stuck the key for her apartment into the keyhole and opened the dark green door, which had the number '52' painted in cursive, gold letters at the top. She gladly crossed the threshold and was instantly welcomed by a black cat, who intertwined himself between her legs.

The brunette closed the door behind her, locked it, and attached the chain. She walked into the kitchen, dropping her bag on the nearest stool. She then bent down and scooped Sergio into her arms. The green-eyed cat rubbed his head lovingly on Emily's chest and purred softly as she gently scratched just behind his ears.

Prentiss lowered her pet to the ground and opened a sachet of cat food that she had grabbed from one of the kitchen cupboards. She squeezed the contents out of the yellow packet and placed the green cat bowl (which Garcia had also bought) onto the floor in front of her only pet, who immediately tucked in.

A shiver travelled up Emily's spine and she shook involuntarily. It was then she remembered that she was dripping water onto her clean wooden floors. With a sigh, she strolled into her _en suite_ and closed the door behind her. She instantly turned the handle inside the shower and turned up the temperature dial almost as far as it could go. A red light flashed on the shower monitor, alerting the brunette woman that the water was too hot, but she didn't care.

Once she had stripped of her wet clothes, leaving them discarded all over the tiled bathroom floor, Emily stepped into the shower. She gasped at the sting of the hot water on her pale, bare skin, but then welcomed it. She didn't feel as numb.

Steam rose and danced around her bathroom, causing Emily to become blinded by the makeshift fog. She scrubbed her skin with a bar of soap and shampooed and conditioned her hair, which had become knotted from the rain water outside.

When she was finished, the brunette dried her body and slowly got dressed. Her skin had taken on an angry shade of red from the high temperature of the water in the shower, but Emily didn't care. She wrapped a towel around her head to stop her pyjama top from getting wet, before putting on her favourite fluffy white rob.

As she opened the door to her small, completely white bathroom, the steam dispersed outwards and began to twirl in loops around the ceiling light of her bedroom.

Emily grabbed her personal phone from her bedside locker and dialed the number for her local Chinese takeaway. She was ashamed that she knew the number off by heart.

"The usual, Ma'am?"

Emily nodded at the voice on the other end of the phone that asked her the familiar question. She always ordered the beef chow mein with a side of vegetable spring rolls. However, remembering that the person couldn't see her, she replied with a meek, "yes, please."

"Your order should be with you in thirty minutes, Ma'am. Have a good night."

After responding with "you too," Emily hung up her phone and put it in the pocket of her robe. _It would be a much better night if a certain someone was here._

Prentiss released her damp hair from the towel that was still twisted around her head. She shook her hair with her hand as she walked back into the kitchen. She smiled at the sight of Sergio sleeping soundly on the arm of the couch in the small living area. He purred softly, having not noticed that his owner had returned.

Once she had retrieved a bottle of expensive Italian wine (which Rossi had given her to try) from the mini wine rack in her kitchen – as well as a large glass – the brunette returned to the couch and seated herself beside her pet cat. Sergio instinctively crawled down from the arm of the couch and curled up on his human's lap. He purred softly and soon fell back to sleep, with Emily stroking the top of his small head.

Emily took a sip from the glass in her hand. She swirled the liquid around in her mouth, allowing the various notes of flavour to please her palette. A knock at the door caught her attention and she placed her full glass on the shiny, glass coffee table in front of her She didn't even bother to get a coaster from the drawer below it. She didn't care if the glass created a mark on the expensive piece of furniture right now.

Prentiss thanked the delivery man as he handed her the plastic bag full of of food containers. She handed him fifty dollars, more than enough to cover the cost of the meal she had ordered.

"Keep the change," she mumbled. She closed the door, completely missing the incredibly surprised, yet grateful look of the young college student in front of her.

She dished out all of the greasy, delicious food onto a plate and brought it back to the couch along with a few napkins. She had always been a messy eater, despite her mother 'training' her in the correct etiquette and table manners from a young age.

She flopped down onto the couch once more and shooed Sergio away when he tried to crawl onto her lap again. She was a cat person, but she drew the line whenever she was eating food.

She immediately turned on the television and pressed 'play' on the next episode of _Grey's Anatomy _on Netflix. _God_, that show was her guilty pleasure. Prentiss would watch it for hours and hours on end if she could, but her work phone would always rang the second she would comfortable on the couch, surrounded by an array of snacks and, of course, Sergio curled up beside her.

It wasn't long before Emily had finished her meal and two large glasses of wine. She had become engrossed in the current episode of her favourite show, and snacked on the free prawn crackers that the Chinese restaurant had given her. Her fellow team members didn't understand why she loved the show so much. They thought that, with all of the tragedy that surrounded them on a daily basis, the best thing to do was to go home and watch a comedy, such as _Friends_, or _The Big Bang Theory_. But no, Emily loved the drama, the romance, and the heart-breaking deaths that occurred all-too-often in the series.

It was the season two finale, and Emily found herself sobbing. She watched as the remaining surgical interns find Izzy Stevens lying in a hospital bed beside her true love, Denny Duquette, who has died from a stroke following his heart surgery. Prentiss longed to find someone who would go to such lengths to be with her – to marry her, even if her life was on the line.

It was such a naive thing to wish for – the fairytale that ends _'happily ever after'_. Emily knew that. But, she couldn't stop her mind wandering to an alternate world – one where her and her true love could live out their life in complete peace.

She wanted the whole package. The perfect house with a huge garden, the person of her dreams, three healthy kids, Sergio, and perhaps a Golden Retriever to add to the mix.

The thing was, the man she wanted didn't give a damn about her. He was married to his 'high school sweetheart' and had a mini version of himself already running around his house. He was already living his dream, or so Emily thought at least.

He was happy without her. That was enough to push her over the edge.

As the episode ended and the credits rolled, the brunette couldn't stop the sobs that wracked her body. She cried and cried. Poor Sergio, unsure of why his favourite human was upset, tried his best to nudge Emily's hands away from her face so that he could lick her tears. Emily laughed through her tears as her brown eyes met the giant green eyes of her cat. She kissed the top of his head and smiled as he licked her nose.

Emily stretched over Sergio and skillfully poured herself yet another glass of red wine. With a loud, exaggerated sigh, the brunette pressed 'play' on the remote beside her to start season three.

"You know what, Sergio?"

The cat's ears twitched backwards when he heard his name. Emily swore he answered her when he elicited a quiet _'meow'_.

"At least _somebody_ is happy to see me when I get home."

And with that, the two binged another four episodes of the mundane medical drama before heading to bed. As her head hit the pillow, Emily begged her mind to allow her a night of sleep without dreaming a life where she was with Aaron Hotchner.

But she knew that was wishful thinking.


End file.
